Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
