I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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