and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
