Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
