he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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