I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
