I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
