Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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