Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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