i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
