tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
