I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
