The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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