She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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