I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
