You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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