i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
