She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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