Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
