just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
