Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
