I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
