Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
