went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize