For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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