Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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