I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
