I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
