If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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