What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
