I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In America we eat man semen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
