after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
