I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize