You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
