weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
