my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
