If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
