wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
