Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
