How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
