hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
