You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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