Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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