u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
