i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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