Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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