i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
