ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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