Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
