Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
