I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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