i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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