worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're like the curious george of whores
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
