I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
