so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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