im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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