I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize