woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
