I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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