sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
