he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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