No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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