they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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