Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
