It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
