Can i not drive my cunt home
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
