dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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