Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
