yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
