Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
