Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
