oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
