I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
