The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
