We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
