i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
