I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
