piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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