I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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