You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
