Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
