oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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