and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
