i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
