Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
