I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize