hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
