I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
