I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
