He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
