For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
