I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
