Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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