My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize