Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
