Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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