***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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